Friday, December 30, 2011

A year in review

I'm trying to write all of these down but my pen wouldn't flow as fast my thoughts, but even then, my thoughts are incoherent and I am incapable of writing anything good. I am bursting at the seams from the overwhelming pent up emotions. Let this be the most honest review spoken from within.

2011 has been a complex year, and the second half has been filled with too much anguish and extremities. There hasn't been a night without nightmares or quiet moments without tears. From being in the happiest place on earth, to making the worst mistake of my life, to starting uni and having the most major change in my life . Looking back at last year's review, I was so full of drive and love and I had the world in my hands...makes me weep reading those words that were brimming with happiness cause I can barely remember how that feels. I am thankful that I kept my word on being a better person, even if it means improving in minuscule ways. Before this is going to sound like the default speech given onstage by celebrities, I really have to thank each and every person that is still with me on the ride, especially those who went all out to tide me through the worst period of my life cause I probably might have already ended my life if it weren't for you guys.

I have never had the habit of setting typical resolutions but I am sticking to my yearly belief of becoming a better person in any way at all. To refine my thoughts, deeds and actions, to curb my temper and to continue to be honest with myself and the people I love. This time round, I am adding a new resolution for myself: To have more self confidence. To learn to accept compliments showered, to learn to acknowledge my strengths, to deal with pressure, and to believe I am able to accomplish things that I set foot on if I work hard enough for it. I've never really felt that I have serious esteem issues till I've been told and reminded countless times that I just can't see myself the way others see me.

Second half of 2011 has whizzed way too fast, it feels that I've been subconscious all these while. To sum it up, I've been trying real hard to focus on being happy, working hard and partying even harder over the weekends. Otherwise, I sit curled up on my bed and just cry for hours. It hasn't been easy living with a heart that feels too foreign and heavy, but I count my blessings and I give thanks for all that I have and learn to get back up.

I'm a little tight for time considering that I have a couple of loose ends to tie up and a luggage to pack for my trip tomorrow. Still unsure of how to feel about leaving on the 31st for somewhere new...still wishing and wanting to spend it with a certain someone like the previous years. I'm quite excited to be counting down in another new foreign land and to have a new place to add on to my travelogue.

2012, please just be good.

Happy New Year to each and everyone of you (:



Anonymous said...

Hi :) Are you using d90? :) Do you use 50mm 1.8D?

Fiona Sng said...

Hey, I'm using D90 yes (: I have a 50mm, but I don't use it. I only use it on my film camera!

Anonymous said...

Oh, then what lenses do you use? :-)

Anonymous said...

where you got your jelly wedges?

Anonymous said...

Hey, Stay Strong! :)
Happy New Year!

Fiona Sng said...

Anon: I use a Sigma 30mm f1.4 or my Tokina 20-35mm f2.8 most of the time (: And occasionally, my kit lens 18-105mm!

Anon: Haji lane.

Anon: Hi, Happy new year to you too! (: Thank you!

Lena said...

What's your username at instagram? I'd love to follow you. :)

Fiona Sng said...

HI LENA, (: I'm smittenpixels! I'll follow you back for sure!